I’m on my bike in a red helmet, the Catalinas swallowed by clouds, when I text my ex-husband for the first time in five years: "Our son is turning thirty!”

Seconds after I declared their beautiful baby dead and his mother nodded gently, his father placed him in my arms to bring him to the waiting transplant surgeon.

Fourteen years after our teenage bodies taught each other how to fuck, I saw you, lankier than ever, in a ratty white T-shirt holding a printed boarding pass . . .